 © Marianne Hanson
|
The Marriage Counselors Click to read Click to |
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© Marianne Hanson
|
The Marriage Counselors Click to read Click to |
The Marriage
Counselors
My daughter Michele was married in St. Petersburg, Florida, in June 1984. She has two
brothers and an older sister. Richard, her groom, has four brothers and three sisters.
Most of these siblings were already married at the time and were free with their advice.
Michele and Richard listened politely, but their expressions, I noticed, were bewildered.
Aunt Margaret said, "Never go to bed angry—make up; apologize. If you learn to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ you will always be happy together."
Best friend Sue Gerhardt said, "Hey, listen to me and don’t have too many children. In fact, one is enough. It sounds great to have a large family, but it puts a strain on your marriage. Other couples are always taking trips, and you are tied to the home."
Her older sister said, "I know you’d like to change him a little, but don’t try. He won’t improve, he’ll actually get worse in those little faults. You cannot make a man over. Figure out a way to cope with his flaws, and you will get along."
Father of the bride said, "You two had better save up for a down payment on a house right away. Mortgage rates are going up, and you must try to get something before they go any higher. Just a small cottage is all right. I can help you with the plumbing repairs, and Sid would redo the wiring. The sooner you make an investment, the sooner you have a goal and can save for something meaningful."
Her mother warned: "Try to be broad-minded. I hope you will be more tolerant of this sweet boy than you ever were of your brothers. Count to ten before you snap his head off."
Grandmother said, "Don’t think you have to have everything at once. We made do with a dishpan in the sink and a scrubbing board instead of a washer. You can, too. Half of these modern appliances are breaking all the time, anyway. If you stick to the old-time methods, you get things cleaner."
The preacher said, "Base your love in God. When the going gets rough, you will have more patience with each other if you trust in God."
Groom’s grandfather said, "The thing to do is pay cash for everything. Don’t let her have all these charge accounts. If she has only five dollars in her pocketbook, it will be easier to decide to buy chicken instead of that new dress!"
His mother said, "Be generous of your time, and listen to each other. Don’t assume you know what she is thinking and act on that assumption. Ask a lot of questions."
His father said, "Let one be the boss of the children and the other be boss of the money. Mama always had the expenses figured out, and that kept us from quarreling."
Older brother said, "Don’t argue about trivia. If you are going to fight, make it a big fight, and then you can have a lot of fun making up."
His younger brother said, "Are we still going fishing on Saturdays? I have a feeling that life will never be the same again."
Older sister said, "Make it an equal partnership. I give in all the time, and then I am bitter about it. My marriage has become too one-sided."
The bride and groom listened a bit absently to all the advice. Then they smiled at each other and said, "What are they talking about?"
Profile
For our column, "Two Schools of Thought," we took opposite sides of issues in education, often choosing stands arbitrarily, since our shared liberal mindset usually had us in agreement. We put off one particularly hot issue in our community at the time: busing to achieve integration. Finally, I said I’d write the "con," and took it as a challenge.
But the greater challenge went to Grace, when she was invited to speak to a group of black women—neither of us enjoyed public speaking! They loved her, however, and she was thrilled to share her feelings about school integration with an enthusiastic audience. Still, she was mighty glad to get back to her keyboard.
—Mary Ann Marger
Bio
Grace Druyor
Place of residence: St. Petersburg.
Birthplace: Richmond, Virginia.
Day job: School teacher (retired).
Education: B.A., University of North Carolina.
Serial publications: The American Salesman. American Girl.
Award: Best Essay of Clearwater, Florida. PEN Women (1994).
Current project: Family history.
Favorite books: Biographies of Thomas Jefferson, Abigail Adams, and Dolly Madison.
Belief: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Craving: That publishers were more open to new writers.
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